There were no people and no cars passing, he had never seen central London like this, but then he had never been here at 4am on a Sunday morning before. It was eerie, the empty offices looming over him, the yellow street lights casting an unnatural glare down at him. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept, it felt as if his body was detached from his mind and moving independently as he tried once more to regain hold of his conscious thoughts.
As he turned off of Portland place on to Oxford Street the scene began to look a little less apocalyptic. People drifted on and off buses and lights began to flicker alive in many of the high-rise buildings and shops. He caught a reflection of himself in a shop window and was surprised. He had been awake for two maybe three days, he expected to see a worn untidy figure instead, his reflection was strong and presentable. He stood over six feet, dressed all in black from his suede loafers to the perfectly fitting suit jacket and trousers. His shirt collar limped slightly. It was still damp. In fact the whole left side of his shirt was moist with sweat and stuck to the dried blood. He hadn’t bothered washing yet.
He edged closer to the window. On closer inspection he could see the untidy stubble and deep lines under his eyes. He could even see how pale and sallow his skin had become. Although he couldn’t see them in this reflection, he knew that the throbbing and sore orbs once knows as his pleasant but non-descript brown eyes must by now be glowing red.
He saw a bus pull up behind him and instinctively turned and jumped on, not realising he had jumped through the back doors. Looking around at the angry stares of the few passengers onboard, he shrugged and started climbing upstairs. He was half way up when the driver accelerated suddenly and his reflexes were not fast enough. Fingertips grazing the cool metal banister he felt his body tip backwards. Falling, his shoulders and neck crunched as they struck the last step and his body ended up as a twisted heap at the bottom of the stairs. Numb other than the odd sensation of Chopin’s icy fingers dancing along his spine. The lights of the bus appeared to flicker and muffled voices floated quietly in the distance. His eyes closed.
He had not yet gained consciousness but found himself in the unfamiliar state of being completely aware that he was dreaming. He was sitting in the corner of a bar in a shady alcove with a sofa dark brown leather sofa. His cousin walked past and he tried to shout “Sammy, over here”, but the words didn’t get past the back of his throat, so he watched as Sammy took a seat at the bar. Looking around he noticed the dim lighting, the one door and lack of a fire exit, the subtle clouds of smoke shifting slowly around the room, everyone mumbling through their hands, and it occurred to him that this was not a public place. Sammy seemed nervous. His forehead glistened as his brow beaded with sweat. He repeatedly rubbed his hands against his thighs, and he kept tapping his right foot until becoming conscious of it, stopping and then starting it up again. Tall and heavily set, Sammy was a giant. He wore black leather shoes with thick soles, and the ash grey trousers of a tailored suit with a thick black knitted jumper. Sammy’s face was unnaturally rectangular, and with his clear complexion and strong dark blue eyes, he appeared very inch the smooth operator but in truth had always been ill at ease with himself. He felt himself move until he was looking over Sammy’s shoulder, a lady in a long brown cashmere coat approached “Hello Sammy” she hissed. Sammy nodded unable to make proper eye contact. She had thick curly brown hair, large glasses with round lenses that sat above her high cheekbones. She looked like the type of woman Sammy would usually have tried to charm, but he appeared uneasy and even repulsed by her. So intent on his cousin’s reaction he hadn’t paid any attention to what the woman was saying. Sammy’s reaction was one of quiet terror, “I don’t know if I’ll physically be able to, he’s my cousin, I …” he was cut short “Find a way, I don’t give a shit how.” the woman snarled.
Sammy tried to think of the last time he had been in a hospital, he was sure it had been when he broke his arm as a ten year old. He’d had friends close to death, family give birth and relatives die in hospital and hadn’t gone. He didn’t have a fear of hospitals at all, but he had always felt that if you don’t see people while they were alive and well it would be fake to all of a sudden make an effort just because they were sick. Really though, deep down, Sammy had never felt supported by anyone of those friends or members of his family, so for him it was simple; each person was responsible for their own survival, and should work through and conquer their troubles alone.
He was unconscious, hooked up to a drip and a heart rate monitor, he wore a neck cast and appeared to have some sort of arm restraints. Sammy entered the room and looked down at his cousin, he began to talk. “I think I need to explain a few things. There’s no way around it, I’ve been in trouble for a while and things got really bad, I’ve lost some big money. Gambling. You might have had a hunch a few weeks back when I you saw my reaction to the Arsenal loss I never meant to smash up the front room that bad but I dropped thirty grand on that game. Now you know I didn’t make that kind of bet at a bloody Ladbrokes. I got in too deep with these animals, they used me as security, they used me to go and collect from other degenerates, and eventually it stopped being a name and an amount, and turned into just a name and the instructions ‘He’s in such and such a club, make sure he doesn’t make it out’. I guess I must’ve done the job well ‘cos they gave me two more names over the space of a month. Then one day I met this woman at the Downstairs bar and I hear your name. I don’t know what the fuck you did, slept with the wrong guys Mrs, stole from the wrong guy, it doesn’t really matter, it amounts to the same thing…”
He sat puzzled, still in his dream state, he was on the top deck of a small boat heading from Germany to Switzerland, he had a duffel bag by his side and nothing else. The grey cloud rolled over the sky in thick barrels, specks of rain touched his face but as the boat came closer to the dock the winds calmed and the sun began to break through the cloud. As they pulled slowly toward land he was transfixed by the sunbeams dancing on the choppy surface and the slapping sound the water was making against the base of the boat and the dock. He began to drift off. What does it mean if you fall asleep in a dream? He woke up to thick guttural laughter and the sounds of tires screeching. He was in the passenger side of a BMW weaving through busy traffic. He was helpless as they swerved across three lanes narrowly missing a saloon car containing a family of five. They followed behind the back of a transporter filled with brand new Volkswagen cars. As soon as there was a gap in the lane to their left the driver threw his body weight into the steering wheel and cut into the lane. Speeding past the transporter he cut in front of it and accelerated forward. “Stupid vehicles”, said the driver sounding only mildly annoyed, they slow down the whole lane”.
He was completely awed as he looked to his left and saw the Alps towering over them. Starring up, he somehow felt less worried about current his predicament and instead imagined looking down from the peak. His thoughts were interrupted by the driver “get off the road, get the f...”, the driver looked toward him, “sorry about this, how long have u got?”. He was puzzled, “what do you mean?” he asked. “I mean, we’ve probably got another hour or so before we get there, do you think you can hang in there?”
He looked down, he wasn’t in his black suit anymore, it was white and he had a slightly damp sensation. He lifted his jacket and his entire left hand side was covered with a thick dark red stain. Looking into the wing mirror, his reflection was ghostly white and his eyes were half closed. He turned to look at the driver but was blinded by the sun beaming directly at him. He turned back the other way and stared up at the mountain. He felt humbled. He was overcome not only by the beauty of the mountain but how insignificant it made him feel. He regretted having not seen more of the world’s natural beauty. Drifting into a serene state of trance, he began to feel cold again.
He found himself in Sammy’s flat in the kitchen, he watched as Sammy walked wearing a jacket about to go out, he handed Daniel a drink, Daniel watched himself take the drink from his cousin and start to sip, It suddenly clicked into place. He had gone blank after taking the drink, he now saw why. He watched himself finish the drink and while speaking to Sammy slowly fall under its spell. He watched as he slumped slowly to the ground and stayed there. Sammy answered his phone “Yeah he’s out now, I’m gonna bring him to you and then he disappears right? I just can’t bring myself to do it”. Sammy bent down and lifted Daniel up as if he was lifting a rag doll. He carried him through the back door that led into the garage, a grey Audi coupe sat in the damp untidy space with its boot open, the car didn’t belong to Sammy. Daniel watched as his cousin placed him into the boot and shut it. The garage door opened and the car drove away while Sammy stood watching.
Sammy looked over his cousin and out the window. It was on the side of St Thomas’ hospital that over looked the brown and murky, but strangely attractive river Thames and the old pointy gold houses of parliament. “So I was saying before” Sammy began to recount “I put that shit in your drink, I should’ve know not to get some one else involved, but what could I do, Dan, off you right there in my kitchen?”
They were away from the major traffic now and slowly climbing a mountain road, The driver turned to Daniel cleared his throat and said, “It’s a strange mix of the new and the old, you still have people with herds of goats, the sound of the bells echoing is a major part of the atmosphere here. Then you look over here at these new build houses that cost millions and actually they look really impressive. Daniel looked at the huge gated building he saw a smartly dressed man approaching a parked car; he opened the boot and jumped backwards in shock.
Sammy was talking to Daniel but still focused on what was out the window. “I thought once I put you in the boot that’d be it, I wouldn’t see you again. That moron Shane, he told me he was gonna use a shooter, would’ve been easy, guess the little bastard had a thing for knives. I don’t know how could stand let alone defend yourself”.
The boot was opened slowly, Daniel saw himself lying crumpled up inside. Shane was a small unpleasant looking man. He always appeared to be gritting his teeth even when he smiled, his face was red and patchy, his eyes green and sunken, light brown hair slicked back framing his sharp pointed features. He reached inside his trench coat and pulled out a six-inch blade. Shane traced the knife around Daniel’s body, pulling back and thrusting but stopping before contact was made. Daniel was transfixed by the glint of moonlight bouncing off the blade, not to mention he still felt uneasy watching himself. He winced as he watched Shane plant the blade into the motionless figure. There was a thunderous shout and a blur as the man in the boot reached up and grabbed Shane and launching himself on top of him. He dealt out a torrent of sledge hammer like blows, cracking his jaw and cheek bones, concaving his nose and sending blood spattering all over the muddy earth underneath them. Quickly though their blood mingled on the ground and Daniel collapsed on top of Shane, the two lying very still.
“You beat him to death Dan, not bad for a semi conscious man, what I really want to know though is how you made it back to central London”. Daniel saw flashes in his head of an older man lifting him into the passenger side of a car, “I’m gonna have to leave your friend, not much they could do for him anyway”, he had said with a thick guttural laugh. “We should be there soon, you gonna hang in there right”. There was a flash of Daniel screaming, one of the car stopping, another flash of Daniel lost in central London and another of him falling from the top of the stairs of a double decker bus.
The car stopped “Time for you to get out said the driver. Daniel staggered out of the car, his legs were asleep and his heart was pounding. As he took a breath dots appeared in front of his eyes and he could only see light, he swayed back and forth. As his vision came back into focus he looked out over the world and he felt a calm he had been looking for, for as long as he could remember. His eyes were glazing over and he could only see colour, blues and deep greens from the distant hills. He heard the sound of bells and distant conversations echoing eternally. He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Sammy “I’m sorry Dan, hopefully you’ll find some sort of peace up there or wherever you go”. Daniel looked up, as high as he was the peak seemed to continue on through the clouds and out of sight. He sat down and took and deep breath in, he held it and exhaled slowly, the mountain air was thick, he felt as if he was floating. Daniel was at peace. He tried to take another breath in and found that he couldn’t, he had heard stories of people not being able to breath properly at such high altitudes. He fell backwards into the rock desperately struggling for one last gasp, he focused on the peak and the light beams dancing around it as his eyes closed and all was shrouded in darkness.
Sammy’s huge hand covered most of Daniel’s face, his thumb and forefinger pinched Daniel’s nose and blocked his airways. Sammy’s face was now blotchy, and red tears streamed down either side but he stayed completely silent. As Daniel stopped breathing Sammy moved his hand and laid it across his cousin’s forehead. Daniel lay motionless and breathless with an awed smile on his face.
